In the first months of the war, the Logos Educational Holding organized shelters for refugees in five of its schools. Some of the people to whom we provided shelter and food behaved rather strangely. Most of the time, they sat frozen, staring blankly into space, interrupted only by sleep and meals. When someone tried to talk to them, they began to complain about harsh conditions, lack of care, and insufficient compassion from the staff. The more attention and care they received, the more they nitpicked, accused, and expressed dissatisfaction.
This continued until one of the staff members suggested that the shelter residents make pancakes for the staff. We bought frying pans, dishes, and ingredients and announced a competition for the tastiest pancakes made by the most skillful hostess. And a miracle happened. Complaints and resentment instantly disappeared. The shelter residents eagerly awaited the weekend to feed the hungry and exhausted teachers, and then stay up late drinking tea and talking about life.
Pancakes were not the end of it. There were borscht, cabbage rolls, dumplings. The men did not stand aside either. A team was formed to prepare the facilities for the new school year. A landscape designer restored the surrounding areas. And a professional poet dedicated several poems to the Logos team.
Over the years of the war, more than 4,500 displaced people passed through our shelters. Some stayed for a few days, some for longer, and 50 people even completed training at the Academy for staff and now work as teachers, accountants, and office managers in the friendly Logos team.
The conclusion we drew from this story is simple: there is nothing more repulsive than a self-pitying victim, fixated on their own suffering and constantly seeking sympathy from others. To rehabilitate a person broken by life circumstances, to restore their self-respect and confidence, one must help them take responsibility for others, begin helping them, and create something useful for them.
Joseph Brodsky once wrote:
“Do everything possible not to assign yourself the status of a victim. No matter how miserable your position is, try not to blame external forces for it: history, the state, management, race, parents, the phase of the moon, childhood, late potty training—the list is endless. The moment you place responsibility for your condition on external factors, you undermine your own determination to change anything and increase the vacuum of irresponsibility that demons and demagogues love to fill, because a paralyzed will is no joy to angels. In general, try to respect life not only for its pleasures but also for its hardships. They, too, are part of the game, and what is good about them is that they are not deception. Whenever you are in despair or on the verge of it, whenever you have troubles or difficulties, remember: this is life speaking to you in the only language it knows well.”
For myself, I have formulated three principles on how not to be a victim under any circumstances — and how not to attract people who live in a victim mindset.
Principle One
“By their fruits you will recognize them.” — Jesus, Sermon on the Mount
The measure of a person’s value is their output — and nothing else. It does not matter what a person says, or what others say about them. Only the result matters.
Principle Two
“Do what you must, and let what happens happen.” — Marcus Aurelius, Solomon, Leo Tolstoy
Act as your conscience tells you to. Strive for what you see as your calling. Do not invent, calculate, or try to please. The only judge and arbiter is yourself. Trust yourself. Do not be afraid to be different. Do not strive to join the herd. And even if there is no chance of success, simply continue doing your work.
Principle Three
“God is no fool — He sees everything.”
Taken from street slang, but the concept is correct. Everything in this life must be paid for. With hard work, effort, time invested. With sleepless nights, the bitterness of defeat, disappointment, and the sacrifice of pleasures. One can try to avoid this, to wriggle out, to live at someone else’s expense. But payment will still come — only in a different currency, called loss of self-respect and loss of honor.
Freedom in choosing the currency does not exempt you from paying the bill.
Yevhenii Sotnykov
Ukraine, Kyiv
