Friends, sexuality intertwines with our lives from the very birth of our “self.” After all, the beginning of life requires the meeting of partners — and a bit of the magic of love!
I am a practicing psychologist with over 20 years of experience in individual and couples counseling on sexuality. Many people often ask me to recommend films where physical love comes alive in our imagination and awakens desire in the bedroom. That’s why I’m launching a new column: Erotic Film Therapy with Sexologist Tatyana Slavina — a space where you’ll discover films that may reveal something new and deeply personal for you.
Today’s film: Flesh + Blood (1985) by Paul Verhoeven. A movie that left an unforgettable mark on my adolescent mind! This film was so impactful for me that analyzing it became a form of therapy — I even included it in my very first film therapy course.
Welcome to Flesh + Blood
A journey between passion and brutality — or how darkness reveals the truth of love. This bold, profound, and provocative film intertwines life and death, honor and sin, sensuality and violence into a raw, visceral thread of human experience.
From the first frames, the viewer is thrown into the heart of medieval Europe — an era of violence, cynicism, and primal energy, where survival demands not only courage, but also the readiness to cross any moral boundary.
The characters: not a fight for love — but for the self
At the center is Lady Agnes, forced to choose between two men:
- Martin, the rough, defiant, magnetic mercenary;
- And Steven, the noble but naive baron.
Yet this is not just a choice between two lovers — it is a choice between two aspects of her own self:
- Martin (Rutger Hauer) represents primal force, raw masculinity with no limits. He awakens Agnes’s shadow side — forbidden fantasies, wild passion, and raw power. With him, she becomes uninhibited, untamed, sensual. But beneath his brutality lies deep vulnerability, pain, and a longing for love.
- Steven Arnolfini (Tom Burlinson) is the opposite: a symbol of purity, morality, and intellect. Yet his descent — from idealist to ruthless manipulator — shows how betrayal and disillusionment can twist the human soul.
Agnes is not a victim. She explores her limits through sexuality
Her journey is not about morality — it’s an existential quest:
Who am I? Who can I become beside this man?
The intimate scenes in the film are complex and provocative.
The scene of sexual violence between Martin and Agnes is not mere aggression — it’s a symbolic ritual: a confrontation with fears, desires, and inner contradictions:
- For Martin, it’s a struggle with feelings he doesn’t know how to express except through force.
- For Agnes, it’s a rupture between social norms and a pull toward absolute freedom.
These scenes are critical for sexologists — they reflect the deep ties between sexuality, psyche, trauma, and identity.
Eroticism here isn’t about bodies — it’s about essence
A kiss beneath the gallows, the burial of a baby, magical rituals — all of it evokes both disgust and awe.
Love and death, desire and fear, sanctity and depravity — closely interwoven. Bodies and touch are not for arousal. They are language. Through flesh, the characters discover themselves and each other. Through blood, they communicate meaning and pain.
Characters transform — not for plot, but for self-discovery:
- Martin longs to become the “man in white,” but clean clothes can’t wash away a wounded soul.
- Steven, drenched in blood and filth, is willing to commit atrocities, though he once believed in humanism.
- The mercenary’s love for a prostitute is deep, painful, and sacrificial.
Oh, I can’t contain my emotions!
I invite you to dive deeper into this film in my exclusive Film Therapy Program — already available through subscription, along with other courses!
Why should you watch this film? Because it challenges you — and opens space for deep conversations with your partner:
1. Sexuality as a path to self..
The characters don’t just choose a lover — they choose themselves.
Their sexual decisions reflect their battles with shadows, traumas, and the past.
2. The duality of victim and aggressor.
The film shows how opposites coexist within us.
A victim can be powerful. An aggressor — deeply wounded.
3. Sexuality and social taboos.
The story explores the boundaries of “normal” and “sinful,” and how these labels shape our desires.
Flesh + Blood is not just a story — it’s an experience.
A mirror of our fears, desires, and search for self. Allow yourself to walk this path with the characters. See who you are. But a gentle warning — the film contains scenes of violence and war that may be triggering.
That’s why I created this analysis long ago, but only now am I ready to share it. Still, this film is worth seeing. It is raw, dark, honest.
And that unforgettable line:
“You are my flesh. You are my blood…”
Makes your heart beat faster.
Watch the film. Share your thoughts.
Film therapy: at sexologyspace.online/Uk
